The Wonders of the Girls' Bathroom?
by PastellPop
Summary: Why do girls always seem to go to the bathroom in pairs? Len insists that there is a portal to a magical world inside every girls' room, and he gets quite intrigued... NOTE: NOT a fetish story, just some strange pervy-esque humor.


"What do girls do in the bathroom together anyway?"

Those were the thoughtful, wondering words of Len Kagamine one slow summer's day at the summer camp facilities.

"Why do they always go in pairs?" he asked Akaito, who was aimlessly bouncing a basketball. He replied with nothing but a tilted blank expression and shoulder shrug.

Len just happened to be glancing towards the other side of the gym, when Haku tapped on Miku's shoulder.

"Miku... I need to use the bathroom..." Haku bashfully muttered.

"Okay, I'll go with you." Miku replied with a small smile as if it were nothing.

"Let's go."

The two girls stood up and side-by-side, leisurely strolled out the door together.

Len was watching the whole time, lifting a suspicious eyebrow...

"...dude, see what I mean? It's _weird_ for girls to do that. Wouldn't it be embarrassing to like, y'know... go pee right next to each other and stuff?"

Akaito shrugged again, but this time he couldn't hide his being intrigued, ever so slight...

"Come on Akaito. I see you turning... _red_." Len said.

"Maybe because I'm strenuously bouncing this basketball while you're just sitting there." Akaito finally spoke.

"Pathetic excuse." Len said.

Akaito gave a little glare.

"Just why are you so interested in this anyway?"

"Because, obviously there's this fun paradise in every girl's bathroom that us guys miss out on!" Len began to ramble.

"How else would we explain how long they spend in there, and why they always take their best friend, and why they gossip in there, and-"

"That's pretty ridiculous." Akaito said.

"Stop being practical! They probably have some sort of spa in there... or a karaoke booth..."

"Or maybe it leads to a maaagical land." Akaito said, rolling his eyes, sarcastically as could be...

"THAT'S IT." Len gasped and yanked the sleeve of Akaito's T-shirt.

"It's like Narnia... in a bathroom! Oh my gosh, what if the toilets were secret portals or something!?"

Akaito slapped his face hard. But he couldn't hide his budding amusement for long. He began to tremble with his face still covered with his hand and it slowly progressed into a shaky laugh.

"Haha, you're finding it funny." Len said.

"Plus that ALSO might explain why girls always come out of the bathroom smelling like some weird exotic air freshener..."

Len obviously had not heard of perfume.

This time, Akaito was laughing so hard that people gave him a quick stare.

"Akaito, are you okay?" Len asked.

"I've never seen you laugh like this."

"The Lion, The Witch, and The Toilet." Akaito said, under his breath.

Len lightly hit him on the shoulder.

"Aka-kun, you are one weird dude."

As sudden as Akaito's change in mood, a ball suddenly shot across the gym and hit Len right in the middle of his face.

"SHMLOMFH." his voice sprayed out.

The impact on him was so _violent_ that the speeding dodgeball bounced off his face and was still shooting powerfully.

"Oh crap, are you okay?" Akaito and two other muscular boys crowded around Len.

"Uguuu..." Len groaned. A slow red drop began to trickle down from his nostril.

"He has a nosebleed!"

"I'll take him to the bathroom." Akaito said in a prompt manner.

Akaito let Len borrow his clean white handkerchief, so he wet it in the sink and had Len use it to help stop the blood flow from his nose.

"Thanks dude. I'll give it back tomorrow. Buuut it would probably be all red by then." he laughed.

"But you like the color red though."

Akaito made a slightly disgusted face.

"Yeeeaaah... you can keep it. Because I don't need it." he said in a slightly humorous way.

Len lifted his eyebrows for a second with a bemused little expression.

"Wait a minute..." he beamed, as if he were a lightbulb that lit up for the first time..

"This happened in Narnia too. Lucy let the fawn guy keep her handkerchief..."

Just then, Gakupo burst through the bathroom door.

"AHA, THEN LUCY MET THE WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST." Len said this, directing towards Gakupo.

"Wait, I thought it was the _Ice Queen_ she met." Akaito said.

"Wait... I thought it was the Wicked Witch of The West..."

They were interrupted by Gakupo's groan as he disdainfully rushed towards a stall.

"I-I'm sorry, but I recommend both of you getting out. Right now... f-for your own good..." he shuddered.

Len and Akaito heard the noise of his intestines rumbling and automatically knew what for...

"Eww." Len said.

Then he and Akaito promptly rushed out of the boys room.

"AAAAAAAHHHH."

"He must've eaten too much Turkey Delight!" Len screamed.

"Len, it's called Turkish Delight. And enough with the Narnia jokes." Akaito said, sternly.

"Geez, Mr. Serious." Len rolled his eyes.

"How do you know so much about Narnia anyway?"

"Kaito." Akaito said bluntly. That was enough to explain.

"Haha."

Suddenly, Len and Akaito noticed the girls bathroom door in all its mysterious, stimulating glory.

They were literally standing right at its entrance.

The curious boys glanced at each other, and glanced away. And back at each other.

They glanced at the same time.

With the same expression on their faces.

Looking like they had an idea.

"Do you think Miku and Haku are still in there?"

They murmured at the exact same time. Perfect sync.

"Um, you know. Let's... take a crack at it." Len snickered.

"I mean... I can pass as a girl. Heck. When I part my bangs..."

Len split his bangs, pulled down his many cowlicks, and proudly presented his new look to Akaito.

"...I like exactly like Rin!"

_Boing!_

Just as he finished talking, his hair immediately popped back to normal.

Len scratched his chin, "Maybe I'll borrow Rin's hair accessories... pin my hair down..."

Akaito responded. He was cut out to be a part of team super snoopers after all.

"Do you know where Rin's bag is?"

"In the girls' locker room!"

...thus, it became time for another quest to begin.

In front of the equally-as-mystifying girls' locker room (which they made sure was empty), Len took in a deep breath...

"Watch my stealth." he winked.

Akaito tensely stood back...

Len creaked open the door, shuffled on his little twinkle-toes (which he developed from taking ballet with Rin in 4th grade), and made his way to the treasure kit-Rin's bag.

Ducking low to the ground, it was as if he slithered towards it. He stood up straight once he was near enough, laid his body soundlessly on the wall, stretched out his cunning little arm and zzziiiped open the front compartment...

...and Len's stealth suddenly flew away as he noisily gripped a handful from the bag, dropped his bloody handkerchief on the floor my accident, and rushed out in a panic, pound-pound-pounding on the floor until he was out...

Hyperventilating, he violently murmured, "HAAH, I WAS SOOOO NERVOUS."

When Len examined what was in his hands, he indeed got Rin's hair accessories, but also a few pages of... something.

_"...Rin's diary."_

..."Eh, we'll care about that later. We have to check the girls' bathroom just in time to see Miku and Haku come back from Toilet Narnia.

But Len still didn't notice he dropped the bloody handkerchief...

"Now, Akaito. Put these on..."

Len decorated Akaito's hair with Rin's big pink bow, with his own hair caked with white and light blue bobby pins.

"Oh yeah, we're now pretty girls!"

Confident with the disguises, Len (and a quite red-faced Akaito) swung open the door and strutted stylishly into the bathroom...

But when they heard voices from the stalls, they jolted, nervously squirmed back, and took shelter behind the sinks.

The echoing voice sounded like Haku's.

_"So... Miku-chan. I'm glad I could trust you enough to tell you about the thing."_

_"Yeah, yeah!"_ A higher voice echoed. Miku's.

_"It's totally fine!"_

"THE THING?" Len whispered into Akaito's ear, accidentally spitting into it.

Haku and Miku gradually now lowered the tone of their voices, only allowing the two stalkers to hear bits and pieces of their conversation...

_"Hard to squeeze... in... dirty."_

_"I've done it plenty of times..."_

"Akaito, Akaito! It must be hard to squeeze into a dirty toilet, they're saying! And Miku apparently has done it more times than Haku!" Len struggled to keep his excited words a whisper.

Akaito, however, had his mouth wide and gaping open.

"Len. I... no. They're not talking about that at all..." he cringed.

_"I can't believe this."_

Haku and Miku's voices continued to echo.

_"Felt... scary, made me shiver."_

_"It's okay, you're doing it here with me after all."_

Miku's voice echoed the loudest and clearest this time.

Behind the sinks, Len was laughing madly. Akaito was screaming internally, his face becoming habanero-red.

The sounds of toilets flushing echoes throughout the room, ultimately signaling Len and Akaito to get out before they got caught!

Running down the halls, they threw off their accessories and panted...

"Akaito, MY GOSH. They are going to Narnia. Haku was even scared of it like she's scared if everything! Consparicies! I'm so excited! I'm going to be famous to be the first boy to discover the secret bathroom world!"

Len was dancing, spazzing, even twirling across the floor, looking like he was having the time of his life.

Akaito seemed much more horrified than simply intrigued... he got something totally, totally different.

It made him almost feel horrible for knowing the truth,

"No, Len. No... I'm afraid..." Akaito's mind inaudibly said...

He hid his face because his pupils were dilating the most they had all day...

"Miku and Haku are sharing a dirty little secret."

The words continued to echo in his head,

_"It's okay, you're doing it here with me after all."_

_"You're doing it with me after all."_

_"You're doing __**it**__ with __**me**__ after all."_

A few minutes later, summer camp was over and everyone went to their locker rooms.

"Oh crap!" Len said,

"I forgot to put the accessories back in Rin's bag!" he cowered in horror upon realization.

He immediately heard a wave of "eww"s coming from the girls' locker room...

"Who left that on the floor?!"

"That is _disgusting_!"

"So much blood on it too!"

They were looking at Len's bloody nosebleed handkerchief he left on the ground!

Miku even looked at Haku.

"N-no, it's not mine!" she burst into panic and ran out of the locker room in an embarrassed daze, bumping right into Akaito, (who finishes dressing the first out of all the boys).

"Uwaaaah!" she lifted her red face in a humiliated way.

"Ha... Haku? What's wrong?" Akaito patted the head of his close friend, feeling a twinge of discomfort from the words he had earlier overheard, and guilt from the actions Len lead him into.

"Aka-kun... d-do you promise to not think I'm gross... or... strange for telling you something like this?" Haku breathed out, distraught...

"Haku, s-sure... trust me..."

Akaito braced himself for the explanation of earlier...

"Akaito..." she anxiously muttered.

"In the bathroom, that is n-**not** my period blood on the floor b-but I-I was so afraid that everybody thought it was mine, because I-I get so disorientated and nervous on my period and I thought they somehow..."

As soon as Haku realized how awkward and disgusting her words sounded, she clasped her hands over her mouth and blushed a deep red, blood red...

Akaito flushed with relief at the same time.

He didn't care that Haku was on her... time of month, frankly. She didn't have a dirty secret going on with Miku, so that cleared things up.

But at the same time, it also came to him that the bathroom discussion was about... periods. Just periods.

Akaito's reassurance made Haku feel comfortable enough to share more details of her day.

"And I was especially nervous because I put in a tampon today for the first time. Instead of a pad? Because we went swimming today, and..."

"O-okay, I got it." Akaito answered.

It made sense now.

The thing.

Hard to _squeeze in_.

And apparently Miku did it more times than Haku... eww.

Akaito tried to push the last thought out of his head.

Now Akaito was really uncomfortable with ever wanting to tell Len the (fairly gross) truth...

Meanwhile, Len was running into Rin, making up an excuse on the spot about where he had her accessories.

"W-well, you see... Gakupo and Kaito were playing catch with your bag, and a bird got a hold of the zipper and flew away, and your accessories and... diary entries flew away and I was kind enough to-/"

"Wait, Len? You saw my secret diary entries?!" Rin's interruptd and her eyes grew wide and bulged out like oversized blue marbles. Her facial expression settled on chalky white, then pink with shock.

"I DIDN'T READ THEM!" Len thundered,

Rin friskly snatched the papers away, ran down the hall and turned the corner without speaking a word.

She had a certain kind of light bouncyness in her step. They way she moved almost whimsically.

Len would've sworn the colorful note papers sparkled in Rin's hand.

When Len ran down the hall and turned the corner as well, Rin was absolutely nowhere to be found.

As I'd she had disappeared by...

Magic.

..."Maybe..." Len quietly thought, with brand-new wonder all over again.

"Maybe the _diary entries are magical_, and from a magical world... that exists in the_girls' LOCKER ROOM!"_

**ENDNOTE**: Sorry if the period thing is gross/off-putting. I started this story in the summer and I wanted to write my first pervy story, so my noobish mind said "periods! 8D" *facepalm* not so sexy after all. =_=; Oh well. Anyway, Akaito seemed like a weird character choice. It's because this story is a part of a... thing, that focused on my pairings. (Headcanon that Akaito and Haku are good friends/ later a cute couple. But it's also OOC of Akaito that he'd spy on her! D:)

But it's funny how little words can be misinterpreted. :p Len thought Miku and Haku were talking of a magical world, while Akaito thought it was talking about sexy time =w=


End file.
